First of all, the logistics. I teach 7th grade social studies at Bluford Drew Jemison STEM Academy in Baltimore-- an all-boys charter school that sounds really impressive but is actually just like any other public school, but with more people in charge and no one taking responsibility.
My typical day:
5:30 Wake up
6:15 Go to school
7:40-2:40 Teach
2:40-4:30 Coach class (aka, makeup work for kids that are always absent)
4:30-6:30 Band or student government
6:30-8:00 Planning, etc. (or maybe a quick trip to the gym)
8:00 Drive around for an hour looking for parking
9:00 Dinner, shower
10:00 Bed
As you can see, I have a ton of free time to take care of myself...
On some days, I hate everything. I go to school anxious and I leave exhausted and angry. On some days I have to kick kids out of my room so I can hide behind the door and cry. I research law schools and LSAT courses and potential spring break vacations and think about anything else I could possibly be doing. I update my resume and look at classified ads and try to figure out if I could pay my bills if I moved back home. Once I almost quit. But somehow, every day, I manage to get up. I get to school EVERY day right as it opens. I have no idea how or why I continue to do this.
I also have no idea how Teach for America manages to pick out the exact people that don't know how to quit or give up on anything, ever. Now that's talent.
My students have failed nearly every test I've given, they've threatened to hit me, they swear they hate my class. Yet they never want to leave my room, ever. The same kids that act out are the ones begging to eat lunch with me or still hanging out in my room at 7 pm. They've started to pay attention to the news and they can draw on material from earlier in the year. They even think critically more, and don't hate questions without answers as much as they used to. And no one has ever touched me or (purposely) ruined any of my stuff. For example, if I step into a fight, it stops. They steal scholar dollars (raffle tickets) off my desk, but never the real money in my wallet right next to it. They tell me I'm their favorite teacher. I've gotten actual love letters and jewelry from some of them! The highs and lows are exhausting. I'm an emotional mess.
In fact I'm a mess in general. I haven't seen a doctor or dentist, gotten a haircut, or had my car checked since I got here. I eat horribly and I hardly run anymore! :( TFA keeps telling me to take care of myself, and I keep telling them I don't know how to add hours to the day. All in the life of a first year teacher.
On a more positive note, it amazes me how strong, curious, and brave my students are. It's hard to understand the way they think or their lack of motivation sometimes, but then I stop and think that really, being intelligent might NOT get them that far in their immediate surroundings. Being polite, respectful, non-violent, and studious does not keep you safe in this environment. No wonder they don't want to learn-- they don't necessarily see how it will benefit them, even though they want to learn. It's obvious that most of them really, really want to learn. They know they are ignorant. They can't put Maryland on a map, they don't know what "poverty" means (and they definitely don't think they're poor), and they think Texas is a country. They don't know what New Years resolutions are. On a pretest, someone told me that culture is "having an identical twin." They KNOW they are behind. And in case they didn't, I make it clear.
I used to think the biggest problem in the inner city was the cycle of poverty perpetuated by failing schools. Now I see the problem as something even bigger. My students can't protect themselves in the real world. They are being set up to be taken advantage of over and over again. They don't know their rights or responsibilities. They even struggle to read. My new "big goal" has nothing to do with 80% mastery of content-- whatever that means. My new goal is to empower my students. I want them to be productive adults who don't get walked all over every time they can't read a contract or don't know what the law promises them. THAT is a BIG goal!
I will not teach for much longer, but I will think about them forever. I owe them my gratitude and they have already changed my life. Even on the worst day, I never once regretted my choice to come here. My 12 year olds have made me smile, cry, laugh, sigh, scream at the top of my lungs, shake with anger, rethink my own ideas about the world, and most of all, grow humble. I am truly a better person because of them, and I'm honored to be even a small part of their lives.
