midterm

Well today marks the halfway mark and appropriately we gave our midterm. Rather, it's being given to them right now and I'm nervous. I know they are all capable of acing this test, so it's more a show of how well I'm teaching than anything they're capable of. It started out VERY badly. This morning some teachers' laptops and phones went missing, so they locked down the school and searched every kid and his/her stuff. They found some, and some drugs in the meantime, and several kids were arrested. I saw one putting up a fight that got wrestled to the ground and cuffed. It was hard to watch- I can't imagine what it would be like if it had been one of mine. It also had me wondering whether the same laws apply in the inner city. I can't imagine a search like that going over well in my suburban school. 

Anyway so this held class longer and mine started late, and everyone was riled up about it and didn't want to buckle down. I left them with my co-teacher after I went through a review and they were dead quiet looking over the test so hopefully that bodes well. I want them to do well, I don't want to waste their time. It's summertime and they have so little left in their lives that is at all reminiscent of being a kid-- if I'm taking valuable hours from their day in the summer, I want them to be learning from it. 

Some of my kids live on their own.. some have children.. some work overnight shifts to take care of younger siblings.. they are so adult. Yet they still light up when they get a sticker or a piece of candy. They still show up (almost) every day to a school that more often than not lets them down. They still enjoyed every minute of the jeopardy game we played today, arguing over whose hand was raised first. They WANT to do well, they want to be seen for the limitless potential they hold... When I told one girl in my class her average she was so happy she pulled out her phone to take a picture of my computer screen to show her mom, because her mom wouldn't even believe it. Well I believe it. I told her I'd call her mom and tell her myself. And I will! I hope she's as proud as I am. 

(On a side note-- this is a great way to get REAL home numbers in case there are problems in the future... tricked ya!)

The trick to this is to treat them like adults, but remember they are children. Or want to be. Or were never allowed to be. 

I love my kids! I couldn't live on less than 4 hours of sleep per night if I didn't. So many people have dropped out of TFA already-- I wish they'd all given themselves enough time to really fall in love with their students. Nothing else-- the "system" of bureaucracy and red tape, the feeling of utter amazement at how far behind most kids are, the intensity of the work and emotions involved in this-- none of it is important anymore. 

..This post is mega corny, but I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately. I'm going to go call my own family now, because although I've been in contact with all of my students' families, I haven't spoken to mine in days. Wish us luck on the midterm!

ugh.

so i began my class today by literally kicking out half my kids to go to a new class since mine was at about 50 students. it did NOT go over well. the half that left were really pissed to leave and the other half was pissed they were gone and didn't want to talk and interact. my lesson today should have been really fun and it involved listening to a lot of music and talking about african culture but since they were all in a bad mood it just flopped. ugh. then my collaborating teacher who teaches the same kids the hour after i do came in and asked why everyone was so frustrated -- opening a whole new can of worms. i wish she would have asked me before she did that. of course they started bitching about being hungry, bored, and writing too much. they are kids, after all. 

the highs and lows here are astounding. at any rate i don't have anything due tomorrow so after i prepare tomorrow's lesson a little more i can go to bed! woot!

alright off to grade papers and see exactly HOW bad my class went today.

lost count of days..

well, i'm running on about 3-5 hours of sleep per night, but i promised myself i'd keep this up so here goes.

THE BAD (get it out of the way)

-i'm exhausted. i have no idea how i'm physically capable of this. people are starting to pass out.

-ill equipped classroom, large size. i have 50 kids and started with 35 desks. how can kids respect learning when the school doesn't respect them? 

-lots of tfa sessions taking up precious lesson planning/grading time 

-people are getting MEAN!

-my roommate goes to bed before me and wakes up after me and i have no idea what my room looks like in the light. seeing what i'm wearing is a surprise every morning.

-i'm in debt.. and sinking further.. bills...

THE GOOD

-MY KIDS!!! they are awesome and the light of my day (so far)-- they are so brilliant! i ams o happy with the work they have done so far. one girl completely wowed me today. my favorite quote: "thomas jefferson jacked john locke's swagger." we also got into a lengthy discussion about "the man" and whether all people are actually equal. they have been surprisingly well behaved so far. some of them are getting moved to another class since mine is so big it's illegal for us all to be in the same room... and i'm so worried about who they'll take, i feel like i already know some of them. i wish i could keep them all! i mean we ignore fire alarms, why do we are about the actual fire code?? tomorrow we are talking about african culture and its influences in america and part of the plan is to have them listen to and compare 4 different songs throughout history.. from a traditional slave song to tupac (which i'm still uncomfortable with but my advisor suggested it, sooo.. maybe i'm just too prude for the inner city! haha)

-My lesson planning is going really well, i think, and i've gotten great feedback!

-i have a job interview on friday to teach high school in a law and leadership program! how perfect would that be.

so, i'm already down to 4.5 hours of sleep, i guess it's time to move on...

Day 5

Yesterday someone commented that sleep and food deprivation are tools frequently used in brainwashing. Most people seem to get about 2-3 hours of sleep per night here, and we go 7 hours between breakfast and a light lunch.... he thinks no coincidence. Hahaha. I've still managed to get at least 6 per night so far,  and I'm running 2 or 3 miles per day to keep my sanity.

I met some of our kids today! It was amazing and awful. They trickled in for like 40 minutes and the roster was COMPLETELY different than yesterday's. One girl was coming straight from work (at 8 am) and another has two kids at home. Almost no one came with a pencil or notebook of any kind whatsoever. 

However, they were well behaved and seemed interested in us... for now. Our sessions today were on classroom management and getting kids invested in learning... we'll see. I hope I can pull that off. Ugh. I also turned in my first two lesson plans today and am awaiting feedback tomorrow.

We get to sleep in tomorrow- don't have to be anywhere until 8! woooo! haha and then we have the weekend off. I want to get out of here for a bit but I also want to get ahead on some work, so I don't knoooowwww.

Happy 4th!

Day 3

So today was my third day at Institute and I'm having some really mixed emotions. This morning I was extremely frustrated to start lesson planning because I did not feel that the objective I was given to teach matched the final assessment I have to give them, and therefore I wasn't sure how to go about crafting a lesson to match. Apparently my advisors weren't either because they disagreed and had me changing it back and forth and it was just... a lot harder than it should be. 

More importantly, I really don't think that the final assessment I'll give at the end of Institute constitutes the "high expectations" I've been inspired to have. I feel like my students could ace the test and I might still not feel like I'd been a successful teacher.

Not to complain, but just to share: my school has no functioning clocks, pencil sharpeners, etc... but more importantly, no potable drinking water- there are red danger signs painted over the sinks and all the water fountains are shut off. Additionally there are no textbooks for summer school (although I was a lucky one and got a booklet with tons of grammar errors and questions like: "what is the title of the poem above?" when the title is at the top in bold and I am supposed to be teaching African American history). They haven't been using metal detectors but the students start class tomorrow so I guess they'll be using those.

On the bright side, there is air conditioning (!) and EVERY wall is covered in murals depicting mostly famous African American figures, ending with an AMAZING mural of Obama.  I really don't remember anyone at my high school being that talented, and I can't believe their students did all of that beautiful work! I'm really excited to meet them tomorrow. Maybe that will make this seem more worthwhile.  Breakfast starts at 5:30 and I basically have things to do until 9pm or so... after which I plan lessons/learn African American history myself, and then finally sleep for a couple of hours on my twin bed (complete with pee sheet). It's all pretty interesting but as the sleep dwindles I'm sure it'll start to get to me.

Also, for some crazy reason, I've decided I need MORE to tackle, and I may or may not be training for the Bmore half marathon in October. This would be plenty of time except, as mentioned, I really don't have free time during the day and I'm staying in a bad area so I'm not sure when I'll manage these runs. Anyway, today I managed 4 miles. So far, so good.

Well, off to finish working on next week's lesson plans! I'm covering the Middle Passage, plantation life, and African influences on American culture. I hope to get ahead enough that I can enjoy the holiday weekend. Who knows. Hope you're all enjoying your freedom!!

Heading Into Institute

Welcome to my blooog! I'm not sure how many people actually care and this is probably more for me than the general public, so I apologize in advance if I ramble/talk about things that seem inconsequential. If anyone actually DOES care, let me know if you want updates in email form, cuz I'll probably send them that way to family.

Institute starts in Philadelphia this weekend, and I am looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. It promises to be HARD work. Some institutes have already started and people uniformly say it's the hardest thing they've ever done. Even the fact that breakfast is from 5-6 am daily terrifies me, not to mention I am actually responsible for teaching summer school every day.

At the same time, I really care a lot about what I'm going to do. My friend Celeste says it's much easier to motivate herself for something she's invested in than it ever was for a couple of grades. It's been a long time since I really worked hard. I suppose it's my own fault for not making more of the experience, but college was easy for me and never meant much. I actually miss being challenged. It's not that I'm not proud of the person I've been- I really needed to chill out, and college definitely improved me as a person. At the same time, I know I won't be happy in my life unless I feel like I'm working hard and doing something worthwhile.

So from what I gather, the drill will be wake up (in the middle of the night), teach with your partners in summer school for half the day, and attend classes/sessions for the other half. Eat dinner, plan lessons all night, repeat. We're staying in the dorms at Temple-- my life has really regressed! Everyone else is moving forward but I'm going from living alone and doing my own thing to living in a dorm and having someone else pack me bagged lunches for school! Haha.

Anyway, I'm sure it will be intense, and I can endure anything for 5 weeks. I do wish we could be training in Baltimore instead. I'm absolutely in love with the city! 

Top 10 reasons I love Baltimore after two weeks of living there (not necessarily in order):

1. It's SO cheap! Rent is easily half what it was in DC and an open bar is $10

2. It's beautiful! I live 2 blocks from the water and the streets are cobblestone and the old row homes are absolutely gorgeous

3. The Orioles-- I've really, really missed baseball and tickets are $6 for students-- America's priorities are seriously messed up when we pay more to go to the movies than to see a baseball game. Oh, and 5 of them are under 25.... 

4. Drinking games are legal in bars (aka, pong is actually legal and sanctioned... although pretty gross?)

5. It's so close to everything. It's within a couple hours from home, Charlottesville, Philly, DC, Atlantic City, etc.

6. It's not overwhelmingly large or scary

7. The people seem really cool!

8. Fantastic shopping, haha

9. It's south of the Mason-Dixon line-- that one's for my grandmother :)

10. IT'S NEW and I know literally no one. A fresh start never hurts.

Anyway, I'm sure that's more than enough for now. I hope everyone's having a great summer!!