midterm

Well today marks the halfway mark and appropriately we gave our midterm. Rather, it's being given to them right now and I'm nervous. I know they are all capable of acing this test, so it's more a show of how well I'm teaching than anything they're capable of. It started out VERY badly. This morning some teachers' laptops and phones went missing, so they locked down the school and searched every kid and his/her stuff. They found some, and some drugs in the meantime, and several kids were arrested. I saw one putting up a fight that got wrestled to the ground and cuffed. It was hard to watch- I can't imagine what it would be like if it had been one of mine. It also had me wondering whether the same laws apply in the inner city. I can't imagine a search like that going over well in my suburban school. 

Anyway so this held class longer and mine started late, and everyone was riled up about it and didn't want to buckle down. I left them with my co-teacher after I went through a review and they were dead quiet looking over the test so hopefully that bodes well. I want them to do well, I don't want to waste their time. It's summertime and they have so little left in their lives that is at all reminiscent of being a kid-- if I'm taking valuable hours from their day in the summer, I want them to be learning from it. 

Some of my kids live on their own.. some have children.. some work overnight shifts to take care of younger siblings.. they are so adult. Yet they still light up when they get a sticker or a piece of candy. They still show up (almost) every day to a school that more often than not lets them down. They still enjoyed every minute of the jeopardy game we played today, arguing over whose hand was raised first. They WANT to do well, they want to be seen for the limitless potential they hold... When I told one girl in my class her average she was so happy she pulled out her phone to take a picture of my computer screen to show her mom, because her mom wouldn't even believe it. Well I believe it. I told her I'd call her mom and tell her myself. And I will! I hope she's as proud as I am. 

(On a side note-- this is a great way to get REAL home numbers in case there are problems in the future... tricked ya!)

The trick to this is to treat them like adults, but remember they are children. Or want to be. Or were never allowed to be. 

I love my kids! I couldn't live on less than 4 hours of sleep per night if I didn't. So many people have dropped out of TFA already-- I wish they'd all given themselves enough time to really fall in love with their students. Nothing else-- the "system" of bureaucracy and red tape, the feeling of utter amazement at how far behind most kids are, the intensity of the work and emotions involved in this-- none of it is important anymore. 

..This post is mega corny, but I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately. I'm going to go call my own family now, because although I've been in contact with all of my students' families, I haven't spoken to mine in days. Wish us luck on the midterm!